ER fan fiction making fun of everyone!
by i love johnny hee hee
Summary: This is my 1st ER fan fiction-don't expect it 2 be that good.It's just making fun of everyone.
1. Luka the man beast

hi this is my first ER fan fiction - my other ones have all been about CSI.By the way,if you want a serious fan fiction,look away now cos this is just totally making fun of ER(even though I like it).It would help if you'd watched ER before,cos I don't want to have to explain everything.  
  
Luka  
  
It was another hectic day at the ER.All the staff were working hard(cough yeah right) but there were still lots of patients waiting for beds.  
'Listen....how 'bout we.....hook up after work,'said Luka Kovac,winking repeatedly,in a very obvious way.  
'Luka I'm not interested!You've asked me a million times'  
'I know....but I think we have a connection and-'  
'How many people have you said that to today?'  
'Only about 15.....honestly,'Luka said,staring at the floor.  
'You just don't have any respect for me!Humph!'  
And with that,Frank stormed off and Luka moved on to another 80 year old woman,who could give him $20,000.  
  
********In case you don't watch ER,Frank is the 40-something male receptionist,who constantly eats donuts.The thing with $20,000 was when Luka accepted a cheque from an elderly (and dying) woman.It was for something like $20,000.************  
  
John  
  
John Carter couldn't believe his ears.He was being suspended until further notice!  
'But Kerry-'  
'No John.What you did was........it was...clearly unacceptable!'  
'What?All I did was blackmail everyone until they gave lots more money,even though I don't need it because I'm a multi-millionaire,but I pretend to be a scaff in front of my alcoholic,smoking,always-loving-to-get-naked girlfriend,who I pretend I'm concerned about,but really just want to get her into bed.'  
'Well.Now at least you see where I'm coming from.....'  
'No.As a matter of fact.You're the one who's a lesbian,who's girlfriend is called Sandy(what is this,Grease?),who has a crutch for no reason(probably faking it to get benefit money),who is a complete bitch to everyone,and got Dr. Dave (Maluchi) fired(he was so cool!).'  
'You have no right to-'  
'Oh yes I do!I'm goddamned John Carter!I can do whatever I want,I can-'  
'Oh shut the hell up!You were such a little wussy when you got stabbed and then you were a druggie and you're like crying when Lucy(remember the med student who died when her and Carter got stabbed)died,but really you wanted your relationship to be like Luka and Erin's(you know the new med student who Luka nearly killed)and don't even get me started on that.'screamed Kerry.  
'You bitch!Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!'  
Then,John and Kerry get into a cat fight and Kerry(obviously)kicks his ass cos he's a little wussy and she kills him by stabbing him with her crutch.(sorry but i had to kill him cos he's so annoying and i couldn't think of a better way) :)  
  
**************if you're kinda high-strung you might be turning your nose up at this but at least i tried.lol.i'm in mensa you know.seriously.but i can be a bit of an ass sometimes,especially when kim's around.(sorry.kim is my,well,arch enemy)p.s. detective cairb,plz read this cos i know you don't watch ER but i want at least 1 person to give me a good review.  
  
HONESTLY EVERYONE.MY FAN FICTION'S ARE NORMALLY REALLY GOOD.:) . READ MY CSI ONES.SERIOUSLY I HAVE PEOPLE ON THE EDGE OF THEIR SEATS HERE.(BIG CLIFFHANGER IN MY CSI FAN FICTION)  
  
p.p.s. if you really want more of this,you can have it,but i think i'll stick to CSI,if i get bad reviews for this(obviously this is inevitable). 


	2. Carter is a zombie!

thanks to everyone who gave me a review.i think i have like 2 sides to me-1 is serious(reflected in my CSI fan fictions) and 1 is a complete jackass.thank you all for making the latter side's ego spectacularly huge. :) chapter 2 coming up........  
CARTER (ZOMBIE)  
  
'Hey look at all these people.....there must be thousands of them,'said John Carter in a curious voice.  
Then,suddenly,as if by magic (I know it sounds cheesy but bear with me),a dark figure appeared.  
'I am the ghost of-'  
'Look I don't care who you are,just tell me what you want-I'll give you..........(Carter tries to take out his wallet)...what the hell???!!!'  
'Huh?'  
'I.........my wallet..it's missing.....I-'  
'Well if you had let me finish,maybe everything would become clear.......'the ghost replied,sounding like he thought he was wasting his time.  
'Fine.Go ahead.But if I don't get my hands on some money soon,I swear I'll-'  
'Oh shut the hell up you stupid prick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO MERE MORTAL WILL SPEAK OVER ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'  
'Ok,Ok,what got your panties in a twist,I thought.........Oh yeah.......sorry...I'm supposed to shut up now aren't I?'  
The ghost nodded.  
'I am the ghost of hospitals,and I have come to tell you that-'  
'Wow! Ghost of hospitals.....did you pick that job cos if you did,you must be like a total loser.......................'  
Carter trails off when he looks up to see that the ghost has grown to around 20ft tall (and he looks mighty pissed).The ghost's gaze is enough to get the message to Carter that if he talks again,he will get a severe ass-kicking.  
'I have come here to tell you that you are dead.Some other mortal killed you by.......(the ghost takes out a clipboard) empaling you will a crutch.Ouch!That's got to hurt-'  
The pair are interrupted by voices all around them.  
'Christ,those damn demons.It's OK-they'll be gone in a minute.Just try to ignore them.' the ghost whispers.  
But however hard Carter tried,he couldn't block out the voices-it was like they were stuck inside his head.  
  
'Hey look!It's John Carter!That's the guy who got stabbed to death by a lesbian!Ha!Ha!Ha!Let's jeer and point at him!'  
'Yeah I know!His poor girlfriend back on Earth..........YEAH RIGHT!!!!!!! She's juggling 2 guys at the moment.I think one is a doctor called.....(one of the demons checks a gossip column from a newspaper) oh yeah.......Dr. Pratt and the other is........(checks newspaper again).....a receptionist called Frank(sorry I don't know his second name).'  
  
The ghost then firmly grabs one of the demons by the scruff of the neck and kicks him on the ass.  
'Now why don't you boys go and kill some mortals or cause an earthquake or something?Just piss off now!And don't come back,ya hear?!'  
  
The demons then scurry away,still laughing at Carter..................  
  
The ghost promptly begins his little speech again.  
'I am the ghost of hospitals and I have come to show you,now that you're dead,what a crappy doctor you have been.Behold.........'  
And with those words,the walls around Carter disappeared and he found himself back in County Hospital.  
'Where the hell am I?'  
'You are back in your old hospital.....but there is a major difference from how you remember it.........Behold..........'  
'For God's sake,stop saying 'behold' cos it's really starting to get annoying-'  
The ghost put his hand over Carter's mouth.  
'If I have to stop once more,I will make you undergo a torture worse than any other.........I will say.....Neeeeeeeeeeee (or Ni).....(this is a quote from the knights who say 'Ni' from Monty Python and the Holy Grail,in case you didn't know).'  
'Nooooooooooooo..........just please don't say 'Ni' Carter begged,most likely peeing himself at the same time.  
'OK.OK.........anyway..........all these people you see are patients you have killed.'  
'But that's impossible.....'  
'Why is it impossible?'  
'Because there are at least 10,000 people in here.'  
'Yes?And?'  
'Well I can't have killed that many people.'  
'Well you have.'  
'But-'  
'You have killed 11,682 people.'  
'But-'  
'What do you want a party?Are you proud of yourself,Mr I-kill-a-lot?Do you like causing hurt and pain and death?'  
'Well,actually........'  
'Spit it out.'  
'Can I have my wallet back?' 


	3. Abbyisms

ABBY  
  
Abby Lockhart was one tough ass nurse (cough if there is such a thing).Her training was (cough just barely) enough to get her through must situations,but when John died,she didn't know what she would do.  
'Who the hell can I scam for money and sympathy now?'said Abby,followed by a deep sigh.  
'Hey!I'm free! We can (wink) meet up at my place (wink),ya know (wink) baby (wink).What do ya say(wink)?'  
'Luka piss off.'  
Luka Kovac then promptly pisses off into a room,arbitrarily sticking needles into patients to make it look like he's working.  
  
***********in case you haven't seen it,that was kind of copying a joke from the latest Austin Powers movie.you know the bit where Dr. Evil says 'you henchman arbitrarily (sorry i don't even know if that's the proper word) turning knobs to make it look like you're doing something.' :) ***********************  
  
'Hummmmmphhhhhhh.Now who's gonna pay for my vodka,whisky,beer,sherry,wine,cocktails,gin(ok,I think you should get the picture by now),cocaine,weed,cigarrettes (100 a day,lol),cigars (only 50 a day because cigarrettes are healthy for you and cigars aren't *see bottom of page*),hairspray,hair dye (which I normally spend like $100 on cos I think it makes me look hot,but I just look like a dumb blonde prostitute),money to hire Chippindales and prostitutes for a party at Luka's house (cough yeah,a whore house),plus money to buy scaffy clothes,and money to help my psycho mum and brother who hate me now just because I'm not loony (ok,mentally unstable,if you want to be politically correct).So where am I gonna get that kind of money?I know! I'll borrow £20,000 from someone (not Carter because he left me nothing in his will-it all went to Frank) and then spend the £20,000 on lotto tickets!(see bottom of page again)I'm sure to win the lotto if I buy £20,000 dollars woth of tickets!I like the odds!  
God aren't I so clever?!'  
'No you're not you stupid slut!' creamed an elderly woman in a bed near to where Abby was standing.  
'Excuse me???!!!! Can I help you??'Abby said,trying to keep her voice down and forcing a smile.  
'I've heard everything you've said!You little beeatch!!!!!!!!!Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'  
The elderly woman and Abby then get into a cat fight (you all know how much I love cat fights,lol) and Abby remembers Carter.  
Suddenly,Abby finds herself surrounded by a blinding white light.  
'Abby don't go into the light' whispered a voice  
'John?Oh my God!Are you my little Johnny Wohnny??!'  
The person from whom the voice was coming winced,and revealed himself.  
'Hey Abbs!It's me!'  
'Oh John' wailed Abby,running over to hug him.  
'Don't hug me'he said'for I am a powerful being and cannot be touched by mortal hands'  
'Oh I don't give a shit!'screamed Abby,while continuing to run over to him.  
Abby then hugged him.John screamed.  
'Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You stupid bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm going to be lost forever in the inter-dimensional subspace vortex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'  
'Erm..........oops?.........hope that inter-sexual pub space thingy goes well for you.....................'  
*************see below******************  
The things I have marked with asterixs are what I like to call Abby-isms.These are things like:  
  
**Abby thinks cigarrettes are healthy for you.  
**On the show,she actually said that she hates the taste of cigarrettes (that's true).  
**When her and some other members of staff were quarintined for the smallpox scare,what does she do?dye her hair of course!so now we understand her logic-whenever there is a crisis,just make yourself look like a complete slut and everything will be OK.  
  
tune in next time for another installment of 'Lets take the piss out of the ER cast'. 


	4. Abby is a LOSER!

hey I've made this chapter kinda soon after the last one cos I'm really bored!I've got complete writer's block for all my other fan ficitons.Making fun of people is a lot easier than being serious about stuff!Tell me who you hate!I think a couple of people sent me reviews saying that they didn't want Carter to die,well tell me who you want killed or made fun of (cough or impaled with a crutch,lol) or whatever.Or tell me who you don't want to die.Right now,I'm just picking the people who are easy targets.Lol. :)  
By the way,thanks to whoever sent me that review(sorry I can't remember your name)saying that the readers weren't complete dumbasses.I will no longer explain my twisted sense of humour so all you people out there who think that 2 + 2 = 5 are left out.lol,everyone knows that the answer is 7!Lol. :)  
***********Sorry but before I proceed to make fun of (is her first name Deb?) Chen,I just have to compliment the writers of ER on a job very well done on a joke between Susan (Lewis) and Chen.It was in an episode maybe last week or 2 weeks ago,and I don't know if you've seen it,but I nearly pissed myself laughing.In fact,you might not think it's funny cos I didn't at the time,but about 5 minutes later I was doubled up and fearing that any minute,a puddle would appear on the floor.Right here's how it goes:  
Abby (Lockhart) and Susan are using this machine that makes certain stuff show up (OK,I'll be honest,I can't remember it's name or what it exactly does,but it doesn't really matter anyway) like stuff with a certain chemical or substance in it and they spot this big white stain on Susan's jumper,which she borrowed from Chen earlier that morning.  
  
*note* If you are a little mummy's boy (or girl),have a nervous disposition,or haven't had 'that talk' (lol) then please look away now (in fact you shouldn't even be reading this fan fiction!) cos it might be offensive to some people.  
  
Anyway,Abby says that it looks like a certain thing (cough if you've seen the episode,then you'll know what I mean,if you haven't then I'd rather quote from Chen instead of saying it myself).Later on in the episode,Susan confronts Chen and Chen says that she was opening a bottle of soda and it sprayed all over her sweater (cough suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee *wink wink* we believe you).  
Lol,listen up here's the punchline.  
Chen says (I'm not entirely sure,but something similar to this):'What do you think I'm the ER slut with spunk all over her shirt'  
Lol,I found that funny cos it was actually true (seriously,would anyone believe the soda story?) cos she (cough rocked the casba) with (cough yes he is a) Prat the night before.  
You could tell by the look on Susan's face that,inside,she was saying 'ssssssssssuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee' as well. :)  
  
*note* sorry if you thought that was completely pointless and wasted a whole 5 minutes of your life reading that,but I thought it was funny at the time.I could actually blame that on my delirious state,lol.I'm ill at the moment and I've been off sick for the past 5 days so I thought I'd share my weird thoughts with everyone.  
  
Anyway,back to the piss-taking..........................  
  
Chen  
  
'God Chen,why are you such a bitch!?'Abby Lockhart screamed.  
'Why are you such a bitch?!You.....you.....bitch!!'Chen yelled in return.  
'No you're a bitch!'  
'No you're a bitch!'  
(This goes on for about 20 minutes until Kerry gets really pissed listening to them arguing and hits them both over the head with her crutch).  
'Hey ladies,what's up?Have you got into a little tiff?Cos if you have,that's kind of a turn-on and-'  
'Piss off Luka!!!!!!!!!' they both shouted in unison.  
'Hey there's something we finally agree on!' Chen said,but not wholeheartedly.  
'Yeah,I suppose-'  
'Well,got to go-we're swamped in here,and I am like the best doctor here.' Chen said,cutting Abby off,with a sly grin on her face.  
'Hey no we're not!There's only like 5 patients in the waiting room-' Abby stopped herself when she realised that Chen was already gone.  
Abby searched everywhere for her.  
'Oh shit!What if she's dead?!What if she's hurt (lol,been impaled with a crutch maybe) or in a coma?! I mean,it's not like she wouldn't want to talk to me..........I mean Carter's here....Oh wait.No he's not.He's gone halfway around the world to help people (suuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeee *wink wink* condo in LA).Yeah but there's my mom.........oops!No,she's left me cos she doesn't love me anymore just cos I'm not crazy.My brother................'  
Abby stopped herself in mid-sentence again.  
'Oh my God!No one loves me!I'm such a loser.................'she wailed,starting to cry.  
All her colleagues around her said nothing.  
'Hey guys!This is the part where you say "no Abby,you're not a loser,you're the best nurse here and you're not an alcoholic"'  
Everyone pretended not to hear her.  
'Guys?'  
'Sorry Abby.It's........it's just........well you ARE a loser and an alcoholic and a crappy nurse and have a psycho family,'whispered Susan,trying not to make a scene.  
'That's what everyone thinks of me?'Abby cried,very loudly,delibarately making a scene,hoping that someone would stick up for her.  
No one said anything for a few minutes.  
'Fine.If that's how it is..........I.........I'll leave.'  
And with that,Abby stormed out of the hospital.  
'Abby!Abby wait!'a voice yelled from behind her.  
This is what Abby had been waiting for.Someone was going to stand up for her and say she was a good person.Abby whipped round to face the person.  
It was Frank.  
'Hey Abby I saw what happened in there.'Frank said,looking her straight in the eyes.  
'You....you did?'  
'Yeah.I just thought I'd say that what Susan said was wrong.'  
'Really?'Abby cried,starting to get her hopes up.  
'Yeah.She should have said "slut" as well!'  
'But.....but'Abby started to whisper,bawling her eyes out.  
'Gotcha!Ha!Ha!You thought I was stickin up for you! LOSER! LOSER!'Frank started to jeer.  
When he got back inside the hospital,Abby could hear him telling the rest of the staff.She saw them laughing at her and chanting 'LOSER'.  
'I don't know what I'll do now....my life is ruined...............Oh!I know! I'll go get pissed off my head on vodka and whisky!Yay!!!!!'  
  
Sorry that one was mainly making fun of Abby wasn't it,instead of Chen.Oh,never mind.Abby's easier to make fun of.A lot more material.lol. :) 


	5. Kerry faces a tough decision and Carter ...

thanks everyoone again for the reviews.thanks to abby lockhart for the review and,in response to that,you don't have to read my fan fictions if you don't like them,it's just that i wanted to make some people laugh. :) p.s. abby lockhart,i thought that carby thing was funny.lol.  
  
KERRY ********** i don't know about you guys,but i always thought it was carrie.hmmmmmmmmmmm...........i think it's just the way   
it sounds........***************  
  
'Kerry?Kerry!'  
Kerry Weaver snapped out of her daydream.  
Huh?What is it?'  
'I just asked you if you were OK?'replied Romano.  
'What?Oh!'  
'Well?'  
'Well what?'  
'What are you on drugs or something?'(cough yes)he enquired,half jokingly,but still really expecting an answer.  
'I just have a lot on my mind right now,that's all.'  
'Yeah,I hear the lesbian sex is great.'  
Kerry pretended not to hear him and walked straight past him.  
'Hey!I'm not done talking to you!'  
Don't hit him,Kerry thought,don't hit him.  
'Hey!Lesbian with PMS and a crutch!Get your ass over here!'  
Dont kill him,Kerry thought,don't kill him.  
But Kerry didn't have to control her thoughts because,while she was pondering whether to stab Romano with her crutch or get some of the other staff to help or just to find a handy helicopter lying around,she heard a loud crash behind her.  
She spun round to find John Carter sitting on top of Romano.  
'What the-'  
'Hey!I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!'  
Some nurses rushed over to Romano while Carter got up and gingerly rubbed his ass.  
'Dr Weaver?'  
'What?What is it?Is he OK?'she asked,not knowing whether to be sad or delighted.  
'No,I'm afraid not.He's dead.'  
Kerry was shocked.She nearly fainted,but held onto a trolley to stop her falling.  
'John,you.....you killed him,'Kerry mumbled.  
'Awwwwwwwwwwwwww..........well I always thought he was a prick anyway.'  
Kerry led John to the Waiting Room as some cleaners tidied up things in the corridor.  
'John.What happened?'  
'I.....I don't know.1 minute I was flying through an inter-dimensional space-time rift,and the next,I was crashing through the ceiling.That's how I ended up on top of Romano.'  
'John........it's not that I don't believe you.....but........it might be a bit hard to swallow for other people.........'  
'Kerry,it's the truth.I swear!'  
'Have you consumed any illegal drugs in the past 48 hours?I mean,these could be to blame for your.........incident.'  
'Well now that you mention it.......yes,but......that has nothing to do with it!'  
'Are you positive John?'she asked,looking deep into his eyes.  
'Well.........I did wonder why that pink elephant was chasing me all over Mercury.......and why he was saying 'aim for Romano,aim for Romano' while I was falling........and why it kept telling me to 'kill,kill,kill'.......but apart from that,I'm sure that the drugs had nothing to do with me flying through space and killing Romano......................probably.................maybe...........not very likely.............................OK,no................'  
p.s. Amber Nectar,you're right by the way.lol.I'm Scottish and people seem to think that all we do is eat haggis and wear kilts.How stereotypical can people get? 


	6. What a great idea from a plucky young pr...

hey every1!sorry i haven't posted in a while-i've had lots of school work to do,but since it's a holiday,i'm gonna post lots of stuff. :)  
Luka (again!)  
  
'Luka Kovac,this is your life!'says the presenter,brimming with anticipation.  
'OK,whatever,as long as I get some free crack at the end.(i'm talking about the drugs not.....oh nevermind-u ppl who thought i meant something else have a sick mind.lol.)  
'Yeah sure,whatever you want,as long as you get the ratings,'the presenter assures him,with a fake cheesy grin.  
A giant TV screen is then lowered from the ceiling and video footage is played of Luka's life.  
'Oh cool!I look damn good on TV!Wow!Is my ass really that big?'  
The female members of the audience shout 'No' and the male audience members shout 'Yes'.  
Luka ignores them,he is too consumed with himself on the screen.  
'Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh........those were the days..........'he says,with a dazed look on his face.  
The footage starts getting good.The audience cheer.  
The footage shows Kovac ignoring (sorry I have no idea how to spell her name) a nurse when some horny,perverted old man grabs her ass(last night,wednesday,channel 4).It shows him picking up a prostitute and crashing his car,nearly killing Erin Harkins (damn that bastard,i liked her!).The clip then shows a (clearly!) American actor pretending to be him.  
'Hey!That's not me!!!!!Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!He's not stealing money from patients and he's.......he's not killing them and being a bastard to their grieving relatives (also last night,when that baby died).......he.......noooooooooooooooo...........he's curing patients!!!!!!'  
'Hey man!We're just trying to make you look good!'says a somewhat confused cameraman.  
'Noooooooooo...........you can't make me.............NICE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'  
The footage plays over and over until Luka can't take it anymore.  
'Waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'he screams,as he feels a burning sensation in his temples.  
The burning continues until he thinks his head is going to explode.And then it does.  
The audience is covered with his sick,demented,Croatian body parts.  
The audience,the crew and the presenter are stunned.There is an awkward silence for a minute,until some young producer comes up with a great idea,also great for the ratings.  
The contraption above the peoples' heads fickers on.It read 'APPLAUSE'.  
  
ta da!thank u,thank u!more soon! :) 


	7. The peasants will love this!

hee hee!this is dedicated to you,Amber Nectar,may the inhabitants of other nations understand the work of simple,British peasants........ :)  
Elizabeth (i know some people like her,I used to as well,but she was so shady to that med student,Nathan,who had Parkinsons   
disease)  
'So,Dr. Corday,why do you think Dr. Weaver has sent you here?'  
'Well you're the shrink,you tell me,'Elizabeth replied,looking dominant,as ever.  
'Well Dr. Weaver has informed me that you assaulted another member of staff,'the psychiatrist said,crossing his arms.  
'Yeah.....but he was pissing me off,'she defended,with her strong English accent.  
'And what did he do to "piss you off",' the shrink asked,with a vulgar expression at the end.  
'He tried to kiss me....and.......generally,he's a bastard,'she answered,proudly.  
'Well.......I think we can let this go........I mean he is a real prick and pisses everyone off.'  
Elizabeth stood up and shook hands with the psychiatrist.  
She strode out of the room and proceeded to work on some patients,which Kerry had told her not to do.  
'What the hell are you doing?!'Kerry shouted from across the corridor.  
The patients who could turn their heads (the rest were Luka's patients,lol) stared at the scene Kerry was causing then,a couple of minutes later,went back to:  
(1)dying  
(2)getting better  
(3)staring at something else  
(4)having disturbing thoughts  
(5)erm.........pleasuring themselves (i had 2 put something disgusting in)  
  
'I'm treating patients,Kerry!What does it look like I'm doing?!God are you're nasty,cheap specs letting you down?Again?!' Lizzy quipped.  
'Why don't you just.......take a break.....just for a little while,'Kerry pleaded 'Just a few weeks off work for you to think about what you've done.'  
'Yeah just cos you want to get it on with him,doesn't mean I have to suffer.' Elizabeth stated defiantly.  
Kerry tried to open her mouth to speak,but Elizabeth cut her off.  
'Hey Kerry!Remember the incident with Dave Maluchi and Deb Chen?Dr. Dave (everyone's favourite doctor) got fired,just cos you didn't remember to take your pager with you after you did a shit!No,it was probably steroids or some shit like that!Or hormones!Yeah!Susan told me about you're 'hormone' injections.....yeah right!It was probably heroin! And don't even get me started on the last time you tried to get me to take it easy!I made you cry...little wussy lesbian!'said Dr. Corday,all in one breath.  
Kerry still sat there like a goldfish.  
'And don't forget about all the other stuff you've done!I bet when you saw Robert's arm was cut off,those were tears of joy,not sadness!'  
'Now that is crossing the line!' Kerry screamed.  
'What line?You're so high that you probably couldn't SEE the line!You're the one who thinks that the crutch makes you look really cool,but,NEWSFLASH,it just makes you look about 10 years older than you are!And your hair!My god!Only a select few can look good in red hair.Gillian Anderson.....and.....that's it!Oh,don't forget Caron (hee hee!i had to mention myself) and anyone else on fan fiction.In fact,every red haired person in the world........EVER.......can look good in red hair........apart from you!!!!'  
Elizabeth looked shaken for a second,but then put her brave face on.  
'Make your best comeback Weaver! You couldn't sarcasticly fight your way out of a paper bag! Bring it on,sista!'  
'I.........' Kerry started,looking really pissed 'You stupid English bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'  
'Oooooooooooooo........Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..........that hurt please,please don't subject me to that torture again.....'Elizabeth begged,obviously being sarcastic,and nearly pissing herself laughing.  
'Yeah.......that's damn right..........' Kerry said,not catching on.  
Elizabeth burst out laughing and started to walk away.  
'Hey.....hey,I'm not done talking to you!'  
Elizabeth continued to laugh and ignored Kerry.  
'That's it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Aarrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' Kerry screamed,jumping crutch-first towards the script-writers,who were sitting around a TV screen.  
'Why did you make Dr. Corday hate me and be a bitch to me!!!!!!!!!!???????????'  
The writers just sat there,gobsmacked.  
'Hey.......you can't do that!Get back on set........NOW!!!!!!!!!'  
Kerry didn't move.  
'Right call security!!!!' another one of the writers shouted.  
Then,Alex Kingston walks up beside Kerry.  
'Hey,what's goin on?'she asked,looking very confused.  
'I'm not going to work because the writers have made everyone hate me and everyone will think I'm a loser in real life.'  
One of the writers managed to squeak out 'Yeah,but you are a-' before Kerry grabbed him by the throat.  
She lifted him clear off his seat (who knew she took karate?She trained with Mr Meeagy,the guy from the Karate Kid,u know,'wax on,wax off' lol) and took aim...........and impaled him with her crutch!  
'Alex,join in,we can kill them for making our characters losers!!!!!'  
Alex Kingston shrugged.  
'Huh?....oh why not?'  
She then promptly started kicking the producer in the balls.  
'Dammit,why did you make me say "bloody" all the time?It's not what real English people say!'  
After 10 minutes,Alex and Kerry (sorry I don't know the actress's name) walked of into the sunset,leaving blood covered footprints behind them.  
*note* don't sue!lol! Amber Nectar,I hope I've made your daily chores of milking the cows and herding sheep on your small farm in the middle of nowhere a little bit easier.I mean,doesn't everyone know that all British people live on farms and have no way of contacting the outside world,apart from a special thingy that no one understands that lets you talk and listen and has numbers on it(a phone,4 all the dumbasses who don't get the joke). :) 


	8. sniff this is the end!

Hey everyone,I've decided to discontinue with this ER fan fiction.Frankly,it is crap and I know I could do a lot better. :) 


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